Day 189: You are looking down through the skylight as chefs prepare dinner for your ex-fiancées wedding.


I poked my head up above the flat rooftop, my best meerkat impression. “It looks clear. Go, go, go!” Danny heaved himself up over the lip of the roof and rolled towards the nearest vent. “Okay, Xander, your turn. It’s clear, go on!” Xander didn’t move. Just stood shaking.

“I can’t.”

He thinks he can’t. I can’t deal with stuff like this, not after we’ve been planning this for months and here he is, afraid to go over a rooftop. “Get over there, you idiot.” I cuffed him round the back of the head and he yelped. A grown man, six foot and change and he yelps.

It got him moving though.

With one final check that the coast was clear, I pulled myself over and ran to the vent. “Okay Danny, what have we got? What’s the best way to do this?”

He pulled a roll of blueprints from his backpack, laying them out on the ground before us. The vent meant that we could raise our voices a little, as long as we kept an eye out for the security guards. He ummed and ahhed. “Well, we could…”

“Danny. You’ve had weeks.” I sighed and hung my head. “Weeks with those blueprints. What did you say to me when you got them? ‘Only need a couple of days’ or ‘It’ll be done in a week.’ Why don’t you know where we’re going?” I’d realised I was raising my voice at the end of my rant, so it died to an irritated hiss. “Tell me you’ve got something.”

He looked at me as if he were about to say something, then he lowered his eyes and started to mumble. “Well, there’s the vents, but that does run the risk of being noisy. There’s the skylight, but if there’s an event on then there’ll be chefs in the kitchen. Then there’s the stairwell but that’s probably going to be guarded.”

Xander shook his head. “No guards, nuh uh.”

“Well, that’s out then. Also, Xander’s gained some poundage so the ducts are out.” He ignored Xander’s spluttering. It was true, Xander had ballooned in the last few weeks.

“I guess we take the skylight then. Xander, watch for the guards. Maybe you can get that bit right.” Danny and I stole over to the skylight and peered down. Chefs ran around like ants, swarming over their sugary kingdom. “Goddammit, Danny! Did you not even check if there was an event?”

Now it was his turn to splutter. This was turning into far too much work just to get into Hintzall’s office. I looked around to see Xander jogging over to us. “That is not looking for guards, you moron!”

“Well, there aren’t any guards but… Well… It’s worse.”

“What could be worse than guards?”

“Well… It’s Anna.”

He was right. It was worse than guards. It was the previous love of my life, also known as the bitch that broke my heart. “What’s she doing here?”

“Well, she was smoking a cigarette in a wedding dress. My guess would be, ak!” He was cut off as Danny’s hand slapped across his mouth. They both looked at me with terrified eyes.

I looked back through the skylight and actually paid attention this time. Hundreds of tiny pots of prawn. Venison dinner. Asparagus pasta for the vegetables!

She’d even got the goddamn cheesecake for dessert. “That’s my menu, you bitch!”

I looked at the other two, who were still staring at me as if I were about to explode. I wasn’t. I’d gone cold as a new plan went through my head. “Umm, Andy?” Xander asked. “What are we doing?”

I grinned evilly. “We’re going to get into Hintzall’s office, boys. By going through the front door.”

I’d teach her to leave me at the altar.

Ooooo, mixing two plots. Recipe for disaster. 

The Idiot in Tin Foil

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