‘Darling? Are you at home?’ I called, sliding my keys out of the lock as I opened the door. I paused for a moment, waiting for any kind of response.
I slipped through the door, kicking my boots off my feet. If I was quick, I could get one in before Carol got home. I’m sure she said she was working late tonight, so she shouldn’t be home until around seven.
More than enough time.
I closed the door behind me, quietly. Carol’s mum lived just upstairs (Not my choosing. I want that on the record.) and I didn’t want her snitching on me to Carol. I had enough trouble after the anniversary last week when she’d spotted me sneaking out to get her a present the night before. Honestly, if you ever get the opportunity to live close to your mother in law, don’t. Just don’t. God only knows how she was going to react to this.
So, sneaky beaky was the name of the game. Keys deposited discreetly on the hook, watching my footing in case I knocked more of the ornaments everywhere. I broke a snowglobe the other week and Carol didn’t talk to me for three days. I should probably be avoiding this stuff, but I just need to do it. It’s been so long since I got my fix.
At least I’m onto carpet now. No more squeaking floorboards to carry through the flat. Drop my bag onto the rug, that’s on the carpet because just one carpet isn’t enough, no, you’ve got to have a rug because it will match the mantle and the couch and four hundred other knick knacks and souvenirs in the tiny flat we share.
I switched off. Started nodding and backing away.
So, got to the couch, and reached for the drawer below the television. My prize was in there. I know it’s bad, I know I shouldn’t do it. But I leaned back, relaxed, lifted my hand…
And turned on the television. If I was lucky, I could get one episode of Desperate Housewives in before Carol finishes. Then pretend I hadn’t later. I think I’m onto a winner.
Secrets are dreadful, dreadful things. And cheating on your significant other with the next episode of the series… There’s a special circle of hell for you people. I’ll see you there though, because I’m dreadful for it.
The Idiot in Tin Foil