Sorry to do this to you but I need to raise a complaint. You’re the right person to talk to about HR stuff, right? But man, Beezo in corporate is busting my ass over the Herman complaint. I mean, he’s been riding me all week over it. How was I supposed to now that Herman Alice was me missing the comma? And then she walked in, she’s got a beard and got upset when I called her Sir? How was anyone supposed to deal with that?
Anyway Gaz, I need you to get me out of this. You know, like I helped you out after your hungover accident on Christmas party day? And when I came and paid your bail?
So yeah, get me out of this man!
Also, don’t forget about poker night. Can’t believe you blew us off for Amy in accounting last time. Still, if you do, bring the tape this time!
Assistant Director of Public Relations
Dear Harry and Gareth,
Harry, I don’t believe you intended to include me in this email, but thanks for bringing this to light. As you can imagine, with some of the allegations in the previous email, you are both hereby suspended pending review. I would also like to tell you, Harry, that I have not been ‘busting your ass’ over the Herman complaint. I have been ‘busting your ass’ because you are lazy, irresponsible and rude.
Gareth, I thought you were better than this. Unfortunately, this proves me wrong. I have forwarded this issue on to Human resources and recommended to Miss Wheeler in accounting that she cut ties with you.
Both of you will have a meeting with Mr Hammond at three o’clock tomorrow. I suggest that you get an early night and plan your defence.
Benjamin ‘Beezo’ Barton
The Idiot in Tin Foil