If you’re in trouble, at your wit’s end,
There’s help for you, around the U-Bend,
Burst pipes, leaks and blockages too,
Country Plumbing is the company for you.
‘Fuck me, I hate that bloody jingle.’ Steve said as he drove the van towards Waller Street. Every single day, he hears that bloody jingle. He went to pay for his lunch yesterday and the woman in line is humming it. All he wants is a sandwich and he gets the jingle.
‘Yes, that’s right. Here we are on Cobbler FM, your one and only local radio. As I understand it, we’ve got Sharon on the line this week to take part in ‘I Don’t Believe It’, our Believe it or not quiz that could have her walking away with £7000! How are you Sharon?’
‘I’m mighty fine, thank you Darryl.’ A soft Texan drawl echoed through the van’s speakers. She droned on about how she’d moved here from the states, and ‘Y’All just been so lovely to me.’
Steve groaned. Damn Yanks.
‘Oi, Dickhead! Learn to use an indicator?’ Some guy in a white Subaru yelled at him. Steve didn’t even bother to reply except for a swift raising of pointer and middle.
‘So, Sharon. Would you believe it, the phrase rat-arsed, meaning drunk, comes from the arabic ratas?’
‘I’m gonna have to say no, I would not believe that.’
There was a dramatic drum roll and a sudden chime. ‘That’s correct! This is one hundred percent untrue and made up by Oba here in the Cobbler office.’ The host faked a laugh as he told Sharon about her winnings. ‘And for one thousand pounds…’
‘Would you believe that Steve Palmer, plumber for country plumbing, is listening to this show and he is quite possibly suffering a psychotic break?’
The Idiot in Tin Foil